JerkBurger

Gorillaz' frontman, 2-D, apparently can see the slice of pizza that I'm holding.

Did you ever wonder, “Hey, why don’t Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett of Gorillaz explore gnostic themes?” Definitely a potent question that I’ve never thought to ask, myself. Well, now they are more than likely to touch on gnostic ideas and explore some aspect of humanity that plagues us all now that Alan Moore is on board to help with Gorillaz’ new opera project. According to NME.com, Moore, writer of such brilliant graphic novels (Watchmen, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell – all of which were turned into shitty, bombastic Hollywood films), will work on the yet-to-be-titled opera’s libretto.

With Albarn having written 70 new songs for the project, it is looking to be more ambitious than Albarn and Hewlett’s 2008 release, Monkey: Journey to the West, as the new opera will appear in both film and stage upon completion. Moore seems rather excited by the project, which in turn excites me. He said “We’ve hopefully got Gorillaz on board [to appear in a forthcoming issue of Dodgem Logic].”

I'm very excited to get my hands on a copy of this, if I can.

Dodgem Logic is Alan Moore’s new underground magazine which contains artwork from Kevin O’Neill (the artist for The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) and even some writing of Graham Linehan (writer/director/creator of The IT Crowd and Father Ted) just to name a couple. The zine is said to be part entertainment, part grassroots activism/advice on all sorts of subjects from guerilla gardening to making your own clothes, living on no cash, steampunk guides to rebuilding collapsed civilization, and basically anything that comes out of the mind of the Bearded Wonder, of whom they call Alan Moore.

Moore’s daughter, Leah Moore, and her husband, John Reppion, (both top-notch comic book/script writers, themselves) announce over on their blog Moore & Reppion that the zine should be expected out sometime this month.

The Gorillaz/Moore opera collaboration is more than likely not due out until sometime next year.

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I guess this poster symbolizes John walking into bright stardom and all the facets of his young life are just worthless drawings. Too bad the poster makes it look like a Jared Hess movie.

Nowhere Boy – Official Trailer

The trailer for Nowhere Boy,  a biopic about the teenage years of John Lennon, recently premiered at the London Film Festival. The film is based on a book by Lennon’s half-sister, Julia Baird, entitled: Imagine This: Growing Up With My Brother John Lennon. The film was shot in Liverpool and details Lennon’s early life as he is being raised by his Aunt Mimi (Kristen Scott Thomas) and his own mother, Julia (not his sister, you weird, freak-o).

In the trailer, you see some shouting (Aunt Mimi yelling at John), pouting (John trying to look cool with some coiffed hair and Buddy Holly glasses), and scouting (John meets up with Paul McCartney and they form the Quarrymen, ultimately looking for other members).

The trailer looks good, folks, but I think that if I were given a go at the script, I would have been able to completely give audiences what they want:

*Opening Credits, then lead into beginning scene at John’s Aunt Mimi’s house*
John: I’m going to form a rock group and get out of Liverpool!
Aunt Mimi: Fine! You go and try to beat all the world that’s against you!
John: Maybe I will beat all…maybe I will Beat…le…
*Later, after running out of his aunt’s house, John runs into Paul McCartney on the street*
John: Hey, I don’t know you, but do I?
Paul: Yeah. I’m Paul McCartney from the Beat…your class. *looks awkwardly around*
John: No. You’re Paul McCartney from the Beatles.
*Young John and Young Paul put on their instruments in the middle of the street while Young Ringo and Young George walk out of nowhere to join them in front of an instrument shoppe. Girls flock from all around and start shouting. At this point in the film, audience members in the theater are instructed to pick up the Guitar Hero/Rock Band instruments that are set up beside/underneath/in front of their seats and begin playing along with the notes on the movie screen to “Love Me Do.” The film then allows viewers to play through the Beatles’ career, whilst continually providing film clips from Nowhere Boy (clips from the ACTUAL script that someone wrote) as the video game version of John Lennon remembers the scenes in chronological order in an off-stage cut scene after each set played by the audience members through the Guitar Hero/Rock Band format.*

Boom. There’s your movie. Use some of what I wrote, and then use the rest of the script that is already written. I’ve given you your multi-million dollar corporate tie-in so as to sell more fake plastic instruments and video games. You can even up ticket prices to $30 if you want. Trust me. People will come. I mean, they still buy the new Guitar Hero/Rock Band games even though it’s the same damn concept every time. So where’s my my money Activision?! Huh, Harmonix?! EA?! I know one of you assholes can give me somethin’!

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Fiddy Bravely Chronicles His Battle With Leprosy On His New Album Cover

I never thought I’d say this, but 50 Cent should start rapping more often. Dude’s got a new album AND movie coming out, with both titled Before I Self Destruct. I say he should start rapping more,  because the movie he’s putting out looks like he shot it over the course of one weekend in Baltimore. I also say it because he still needs to get better at being an MC. A lot of the time I just wonder whether or not a drunk homeless man stumbled into the studio and slurred some words into the microphone, making it hard to discern which vocal track was actually 50’s or the homeless man’s.

But, yeah. You’re right. This IS kind of like the time he did this before by putting out Get Rich or Die Trying as an album and movie. But here’s the twist, film fans…this time, Fiddy not only acts in the damn thing, but he DIRECTED it, too! Now you can receive the full scope of Fiddy’s vision of what it’s like to be a man that is subject to spontaneous combustion.

With Fiddy putting out vitamin water that contains high fructose corn syrup, body spray that probably smells like a dude’s taint, a clothing line like every other rapper alive, and rapping on mediocre albums while also starring in sub-par films, Mr. Cent can now add a page break to his resumé in order to fit in, “Turd-Like Director” onto the next sheet.

Before I Self Destruct – Official Movie Trailer on YouTube

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“Blackout” by Kid Goliath

Bringing Some Beats In

If you’re wondering (you must be wondering, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading these words), I’ve recently been putting together beat after beat after beat after beat et cetera. So, that’s why there’s now TWO beat posts in a row. The Guild of Beatologists have upped my dues as of late, so I have been toiling away at serving up some hot ass jams so that they won’t revoke my membership.

I finished “Blackout” about a week ago. I had iTunes open while I was cleaning the house and it was playing my song library on random, so when Bat for Lashes’ “Horse and I” came up, I knew that I wanted to incorporate the song’s main instrument as a sample. I decided that the song needed a string part, so I went straight to Sufjan Stevens, because he usually has a plethora of orchestral strings that can be used in songs. Sure enough, I used “Let’s Hear That String Part Again” as the chorus for “Blackout.” It’s a fun song. It has it’s sweeping moments. The link posted above all this text takes you to my IMEEM site so you can hear it. Lissssssssseennnnnnnnn 2 iiiiiiiiiiiit.

*DISCLAIMER* The mp3 link posted is for evaluational purposes only. If you are an artist/label that would like for me to remove an mp3 from my website write me a message and save it as a Word document (or RTF file), and  it will be taken down.

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Bringing Some Beats In

“Steer Clear” by Kid Goliath

…In the above song. In the text above is the link to my IMEEM page with the song on it. I made this beat about a month or so ago, and I listened to it today and thought, “That’s not as bad as the first time I listened to it,” so I decided to post it. “Steer Clear” samples bangin’ drums from Dizzee Rascal’s “Fix Up, Look Sharp” and some of the chunky, no-frills guitar from The Hold Steady’s “Stevie Nix.” The mix on it is pretty bad, and it’s without its flourishes.  But, it’s really fun to rap over. Once a vocal track is laid down, the structure will be tinkered with more to give it a fresh, finite product, rather than the straight-forward pattern that it’s in right now.

So, take a listen. If you’re deaf, listen to the braille version. Or, just watch the sine waves and try to guess what’s going on.

*DISCLAIMER* The mp3 link posted is for evaluational purposes only. If you are an artist/label that would like for me to remove an mp3 from my website write me a message and save it as a Word document (or RTF file), and  it will be taken down.

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The Wu-Tang Clan Must Have Recently Signed with Blue Note

This is pretty old news, but I still wanted to post about it because it’s such a cool project.

First of all, I respect the Wu. Secondly, I respect Logan Walters, a very talented designer. He decided that all of the Wu-Tang members’ albums and solo albums needed to have some consistency in their artwork. And what better way to add consistency to album artwork than to re-vamp it in the style of old Blue Note Records’ artistic style. By hiring Reid Miles, each Blue Note artist’s cover art was given a clean, minimalist and recognizable style. So, with each Wu-Tang member splitting off to do separate solo albums, it would’ve been damn near impossible for someone to actually sit down and work on a consistent theme amongst such diverse head-bangas.

I suggest you go to Logan’s Flickr site to check out the rest of the re-worked Wu albums.

But this project brings me to question why it is hip-hop and rap’s constant desire to produce awful-ass cover art. What is immediately brought to mind is the artwork of the labels such as, No Limit and Cash Money Millionaires. I’ve compiled a list of the top ten worst rap/hip-hop album covers that I have seen. The covers that I selected were chosen based on a couple of stipulations. One of the stipulations being that it has to actually be a commercially successful artist and/or album. It can’t just be Dirkus Da Boi, or some other unknown artist, because you could just find shat-ass Photoshop jobs all day if that’s the case. Also, the albums are AT LEAST from ‘95 until today. I know these mostly because I’ve worked at a record store for four years and have marveled at their idiocy on a daily basis. So, here they are:

JERKBURGER’S TOP TEN WORST RAP ALBUM COVERS CIRCA 1995-2009

10.

Three 6 Mafia's Chapter 2: World Domination

I suppose this is what Three 6 Mafia imagines how the world looks through some far off alien colony’s telescopic kaleidoscope. Or is that a dual-headed warlock summoning skulls in a crystal ball whilst other members are shrunken into Hobbit-sized creatures?

9.

Master P's Ghetto D

My only guess for this one is that Master P chiseled out some concrete spelling out “Ghetto D” and dropped it on some poor patron’s car. The resulting effect is that the car exploded into flames, with the flames’ smoke being the artwork from the album collection inside of the car. Also, I really enjoy how the store that these giant words are in front of is the “No Limit Superstore.” It looks like a pretty big store, too. But why would someone want to buy No Limit Records in bulk when you can really only listen to just one at a time?

8.

Hot Boys' Let 'Em Burn

This is one of my personal favorites. I enjoy how B.G. and Lil Wayne either have already figured out their escape, as their arms are not even strapped down, but then I realize that there will be no escaping, because Lil Wayne is taking the time to show of his bling before being electrocuted. I guess the guards weren’t worried, because they had also installed a giant, diamond encrusted star to crush them if they tried to escape. At least Juvenile and Turk try to seem somewhat legit, other than their bored faces.

7.

Mystikal's Unpredictable

It’s odd that Mystikal is so unpredictable, because I can see where all of the puzzle pieces should fit into quite snugly on his face. I don’t know why he had a partial tattoo of a parental advisory sticker on the right side of his nose, though.

6.

B.G.'s Chopper City in the Ghetto

Where the hell can I get me some of that Hot Boys champagne B.G.’s skrate sippin’ on?! Even if it did exist, it surely tastes like piss water. Also, B.G. is apparently so rich that he has a machine that shrunk his fucking car so that he could put it on his dinner table to look upon disdainfully as he chats on his cordless house phone.

5.

Eightball and MJG's On Top of the World

Apparently that giant looks to kill MJG, because he certainly isn’t aiming for the literal eight ball that is sitting in front of him. Plus, I really don’t think being on top of the world is being shrunk and put next to a toy car on top of a pool table while a giant man is trying to kill you.

4.

Snoop Dogg's Da Game Is To Be Sold, Not To Be Told

Snoop was high when he came up with this album title. Why does the Rottweiler in the foreground need a diamond studded muzzle while the one in front of Snoop goes without? And judging from the glow behind Snoop, is Snoop World a gateway into heaven? Ah, the questions that arise when trying to delve into the mind of Dee Oh Double Gizzle.

3.

Juvenile's 400 Degreez

This album just looks stupid. A Juvenile with the ability to make lavish items float in mid-air. A god-Juvenile’s head bursting through the ceiling. Too much orange and yellow. If you squint hard enough, it’s possible to think that hell could look like that.

2.

Trick Daddy's www.thug.com

Trick Daddy decided to go with the sweatiest head-shot that he could find for this bad boy. I guess this website is so damn thuggin’ that it manipulates the toolbar at the top of the window of my Internet browser into more suitable thug-related activities.

1.

Lil Flip's The Leprechaun

Somehow, this guy still has a career.

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David Bazan's Curse Your Branches

I’m a tad behind the curve, here, music-wise. I’ve been waiting on my iPod to be repaired for about a month, so I haven’t really been keeping up with what’s coming out in music, due to the fact that I wouldn’t be able to actually listen to it other than at home. And since I’m usually on the go, putting time aside to sit and listen to a record hasn’t been in the cards. But, I noticed that David Bazan put out an album earlier this September and I had been meaning to wedge it into my eardrums for quite some time, now.

Declining the glorious opportunity to record under the moniker of a large Mexican feline (Pedro the Lion), which was mostly Bazan anyhow, he’s put forth a superb effort, Curse Your Branches. Bazan has recently forayed into a life of, what seems to be, full agnosticism, by ultimately having a falling out with God. With Pedro the Lion, Mr. Bazan always showed a doubting in his faith, but now he is clearly heeding his own questions. The opening track, “Hard to Be,” finds Bazan questioning, “Wait just a minute /  You expect me to believe / That all this misbehaving / Came from one enchanted tree?” And, on the title track, “Curse Your Branches,” he shows reserved anger,  declaring, “All fallen leaves should curse their branches / for not letting them decide where they should fall / and not letting them refuse to fall at all.” It’s clear that the lyrics are a lot bleaker, yet it allows room for more realism in the lyrics to re-affirm a sense of humanity, which strangely gives the album a more inspiring twist. Also, throughout the album, he presents a more intimate portrait of his battle with alcoholism. In “Bless This Mess” he puts forth much alcohol-related imagery, but the most striking it’s the striking lyrics, “By my baby’s yellow bed / I kissed her forehead and rubbed her little tummy / Wondering if she’d soon despise the smell / Of the booze on my breath like her mom,” that show a man hoping for a way out.

The production is much smoother and clearer than previous efforts, with Bazan pronouncing each syllable with affirmation. The music also seems a lot more realized with Bazan merging two of his previous projects into one with the raw, roots-rock from Pedro the Lion and the more synth-heavy Headphones. The arrangements are simple and straight-forward, with mostly simple acoustic guitars and the occasional thick keyboard or piano part filling the backdrop with gloom. But, as always, it’s Bazan’s smooth, resonant vocals being put forth as the focus of the songs.

Whether you do or don’t agree with Bazan’s religious departure and frankness in his lyrics, there will always be something admirable in a man that has the courage to lay his bare soul out on the table. I’ve already listened to this album five or six times through, as I’ve done with his other projects, and this is clearly the definitive work of his career, thus far.

David Bazan’s Curse Your Branches was released on September 1, 2009 on the Barsuk record label.

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