Apologies are due for my unannounced hiatus, as I have written nothing for Jerkburger in over two months. I apologize to my readers and supporters for the unannounced break from daily updates.
I stopped writing for a bit to do some real soul-searching. In this rumination on life, love, and loss, I’ve come to realize a few things:
- Sand cannot be substituted for salt in recipes.
- Shouting “SNIKT!” and clenching one’s fists will not cause adamantium claws to protrude from their knuckles. However, it will attract disdainful looks while waiting to check out at a grocery store.
- Philanthropy is not a religion dedicated to the teachings of Dr. Phil. I learned that one the hard way.
- Many tables will indeed flip over if one puts their palms underneath a table’s edge and pushes upward in a fit of rage.
- Most professional male athletes enjoy having sex with women that aren’t their spouses.
- Paperclips are not certified by any medical authority as a cleaner for one’s ear canal.
- Video games will waste your time, unless you view your destiny on this planet as becoming the first person to burn out their retinas playing them.
Jerkburger’s initial intent was to provide you, the reader/viewer-of-your-computer-screen, with any and all relevant notices on popular culture. The task proved to be much more daunting than it seemed to be on a figurative sheet of paper. Therefore, the site’s design and theme will be re-vamped to not only provide you, the reader/viewer-of-your-computer-screen, with better writing, information and points of interest, but it will be done to better suit my interests. And when I’m happy to be writing a topic, I guarantee you, the reader/viewer-of-your-computer-screen, will receive the highest quality content possible (that is within my ability to write…which can really be summarized as a plethora of scatological humor).
So, now onto the discussion of the switching of content. Mr. Neil Peart, a snare roll if you would please. *I reach into a trucker hat with folded sheets of paper in it* The dominant content on this site will be……*unfolds sheet* LITERARY CONTENT!!!!
Wait. Please don’t shut off your computer in disgust just yet. Let me unpack that for you. The content discussed on this site will not simply be discussion of literary works. I will discuss all relevant angles of literature possible. For example, posts will feature news on literature, such as upcoming books, events with authors, literary awards, et cetera. Jerkburger will also be geared toward writers, as the craft of writing fiction and poetry will be shared and discussed openly, not unlike other writer’s forums. So basically, any topic that is rooted in literature will be the main focus of Jerkburger. But don’t fret. Jerkburger will also serve as a medium in which I can share my fiction and instrumental beats with everyone!
Okay. I saw you roll your eyes at me, but I don’t care. How? How what? How did I see you rolling your eyes at me? Oh, I can see into your house through the webcam on your computer. Well…not technically legal…but you should probably get that mole on your inner thigh checked out. It’s looking a lot darker than it did last week.
I hope that we meet again tomorrow or sometime soon.
In closing, I leave you with a sneak peek at the new Jerkburger ad campaign that will be hitting all major cities across the U.S.*
*There is no ad campaign. But if you do see these ads, your mind’s eye is merely projecting them onto blank advertisement spaces.
Ernest Hemingway extends his praise from the grave.
Who knew?
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