How This Post Was One
Modern American civilization offers every human being an equal and deserved opportunity to be trampled by capitalism’s giant golf cleat wearing foot. With soul-crushing experiences and mind-numbing moments occurring at least once a day in the average American’s life, something must be done to relieve us of the persistent thought of “how and when am I going to die?” And in order to remedy such poor days and thoughts, we are placated with a barrage of music, movies, books and video games. And booze. Don’t forget booze. They’ve been chucking that stuff at us for years. Write that down in your notebook so as not to forget. Just the word “booze.” You’ve forgotten to do that already, right? Well, that’s because you’ve been drinking. No need for a reminder, because you’re on the right track, you winner, you!
By entertaining ourselves (I.E. laughing at people and animals farting), we can forget all about our dull and useless lives. And I for one will do the courageous thing by constantly commenting and contributing the aforementioned entertainment mediums through this blog! I know, I know. Originality is my forte.
To make sure that everyone is on the right page, here is a list of things I will be doing:
- Contributing yet another voice about futile subjects to the already over-crowded forum known as the Internet.
- Showing all of you wonderful people my music and writing.
- Clenching my fists every other hour in hopes that adamantium claws will push through my knuckles.
- Eatin’ sammiches.
- Supplying a closely-regulated dosage of the “rocking” and “rolling” that all those damn kids keep talking about.
In closing,
Hemingway? Pussy.
Joyce? Taint-sniffer.
Woolf? Puh-leeease.
Dostoevsky? Gid-outta-muh-fuckin’ face.
Jerkburger? Genius…Kind of a douche.
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